Navigating the Shadows

Joe Hyams was a Hollywood columnist and celebrity biographer. He worked with many famous celebrities from the early fifties on and was one of Master Parker's earliest kenpo students. In his 1979 book Zen in the Martial Arts he describes studying with many different martial arts Masters, and the lessons he was able to take away from his training and apply to life. He died in late 2008, and was remembered as a beloved author, family man, and friend.

In Zen in the Martial Arts, he describes an episode where his instructor taught him an important lesson about the nature and genesis of fear, and what we can do to overcome it.

Making a Friend of Fear
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"It was only a bare foot, but I was unable to keep it from landing someplace on my body. My breath was labored and my arms and legs felt like lead weights. Every time I moved, that foot seemed to find an opportunity to land with sufficient force to knock the breath out of me. If I were not careful, it might dislocate or even fracture my jaw. My opponent had hands, too, but it was his feet I feared.

When the match was over, I was completely exhausted. My mouth was dry, and I was perspiring profusely. Master Han, who had been watching the kumite, called to me. I went to him, bowed, and stood silently awaiting his comment.

"You cannot run away from fear in the dojang," he said. "In fact, it's a perfect place in which to learn to face fear. Most of the time we generate our own fears, and this is especially true when we confront an unfamiliar situation that shatters confidence. And this is what happened to you today."

Suddenly, without warning, his foot swept up from the floor toward my head. Without thinking my hands flew into a guard position and I took a huge step backwards and out of range.

"Don't move!" he commanded. "I'm not going to hit you."

Again his foot snapped up, stopping a whisker's breadth from the right side of my haw, then speedily reappearing at the left. I heard the snapping sound of his gi trousers as his foot grazed the top of my nose. I was trembling, but I had not moved.

"Good," he said. "Remain still and composed, secure in the fact that you are in no danger."

I did as ordered. For the next few moments I heard only the snapping of the gi as his foot whipped around my body, always stopping short of making direct contact.

"You must develop the confidence to handle fear," he said. "I will have a student practice kicking at you every day that you come in, with instructions that he is never to make contact. Until your fear of being kicked becomes familiar and you develop confidence, stand still and do not react. In time you will no longer be afraid. This I promise you."

He bowed to me, signifying the end of the lesson. Later, when I had changed into street clothes and was about to leave, Master Han beckoned for me to enter his office.

"I have a story to tell you," he said. "When I was a boy growing up in Korea I was terrified of the ferocious tigers that still live there. During the early stages of my martial arts training my master, who knew of my fear, told me that while meditating I should visualize myself battling a tiger. In the beginning, the tiger always defeated me. Then I began to go to the zoo in Seoul and study the tigers there, familiarizing myself with their habits and movements."

"In time, I realized that although the tiger was fearsome indeed, he did have weaknesses: he did not have complete mobility of his jaws, and he relied strongly on his hind legs for tearing at his opponent. I began to work out strategies for my imaginary bouts with the tiger, to find ways of exploiting his weaknesses. Soon I occasionally won a a skirmish, and my fear of tigers began to disappear."

Master Han smiled and gestured toward the walls of his office. "Now you see the walls here are covered with pictures of tigers. When I am alone, I study one of the pictures and imagine myself in conflict with the animal. Sometimes I win and sometimes I lose. But I am no longer afraid because they are familiar to me. In the heat of combat I am calm, which is as it should be because I have discovered that fear is shadow, not substance."

It took me many weeks of constantly facing the kicks of Master Han's students before I realized that when I was afraid. I was usually frightening myself, and that my own fears were only one aspect of a situation which could just as well be viewed without trepidation. When I accepted the fact that I was frightening myself, I became less afraid."

Fear always and only comes from within. That doesn't mean that there aren't some things to fear! Fear is a healthy evolutionary instinct. It keeps us safe. But we can't allow it to prevent us from taking action. When we are afraid is when it is most important to think and act with clarity. Learn to make a friend of fear. Learn to experience it, and to embrace it, and to use it as motivation to move on. There is no shame in feeling fear. But remember the words of Keisuke Miyagi.

"Is ok lose to opponent. Must not lose to fear."

Drills -
Beginner: Practice striking the shields with a partner. When you are holding the shield, focus on feeling the incoming force of your partner's strikes. Focus on sensing their energy and intention, and embrace the feeling of incoming aggression. Identify something that you are afraid to do. Maybe it's taking a trip or trying a new experience or getting a new job.

Intermediate: Practice sparring with a partner. When they aggress with strikes stand strong and defend your position. When you feel your eyes closing and your face and shoulders turning away focus on keeping your eyes open and focused on the opponent. Research what would be necessary to overcome your fear. Do you need special training? A guide? Specific resources? Take steps.

Advanced: When engaged in combat in the dojo, practice until you are exhausted. Then begin training again with a fresh opponent. When he becomes exhausted, begin again with a new fresh opponent. Train safely, but continue in this fashion, defending yourself against stronger faster attackers as you grow weaker and slower. Learn to embrace the fear of being overcome, and to continue to find ways to fight regardless of the circumstances. Never give up. Never stop. Confront your fears. Change your life. What was once impossible is now just the last step in your journey. Look forward to your next challenge and confront it with confidence.